Let’s Raise Our Kids Productively
What you sow so shall you reap. Perfect children are not brought up magically, they are the result of parents’ continuous hard work and sacrifice. But the problem is that by the time parents begin to realize this, the damage is done. Let us look into a few aspects:
Contentment and trust in Allah (swt):
Children belonging to low or middle income group grow up with feelings of deprivation. Constantly nagging desire for the necessities and luxuries enjoyed by others but not available to them, make the children resentful. Jealousy, hatred and other negative emotions are bound to develop. But if the parents are intelligent enough to show thankfulness, an uncomplaining attitude and positivity about the situation, these unrequired emotions can be eliminated. However much we try to deny it, the fact is that whatever parent, whether one or both feel is bound to be transferred to the child. So if the mother and father can come to terms with their financial status thankfully and positively, if the mother and father show gratitude in spite of their meagre means, their children will develop contentment and humbleness. Because no matter what, somebody is still less privileged than you. There was a poor man who was lamenting to Allah about his lack of shoes – until he saw another who had no feet.Baraka – the feeling of satisfaction and contentment does not come with money or status and it’s a blessing endowed on those who accept with thankfulness whatever Allah sends their way.
“Whenever our beloved Prophet Mohammad ﷺ was with his wives, he would treat them with great tenderness and regard. He conversed with them cheerfully”. Arguments and disagreements are natural – husband and wife living together face conflicting issues several times a day; “What I like, you don’t.” We are not angels – whenever irritated or challenged, we react. But this reaction should be very well controlled. Under no circumstances should the children be exposed to such scenes where parents are quarrelling. If you want to shout, snarl or growl at your spouse, restrict yourself and wait for privacy – settle down the issue very discreetly and quietly so that children wouldn’t know. Because when parents demonstrate abusive language, rising voices, dislike or disrespect towards each other – their children unconsciously start disrespecting and disliking them.
Everything that Rasool Allah ﷺ did was according to a well thought out plan. Even when he was at home, he had divided his time in three parts. Idleness is treacherous. It steals away time secretly. Make sure that you and your family do not fall into its trap. Plan healthy and engaging activities for the children as well as your own self. Proper time should be allotted to sleeping, eating, studying, working, playing, socializing and praying. Praying five times a day, making wudu before that and going to Masjid for jamaat consumes a good amount of time with suitable slots to fit in between. Organize and schedule everybody’s time – even for a two year old. He must be channelized into nap time, food time, play time, family time and bed time according to his requirements and interests. The other side of the picture is that when we leave children on their own, to do whatever they want to do with their time, they tend to fall into procrastination and unhealthy activities. Their attention, concentration level and diligence suffers.
Two’s a company:
Make efforts to find out who your child interacts with throughout the day. Servants, maids, neighbours, children, relatives, cousins, friends – each individual or any individual can have a negative influence, which must be noticed and corrected.
Allah has created us as the best of His creation. When the Creator has given us such a high rank and position, how can we degrade, demean or humiliate our fellow being? Sometime, parents feel that as they are the mentors – more mature and older than their children, so they have a right to scold, abuse or punish the kids in the process of tarbiyah and discipline. If children are ridiculed, taunted or insulted due to their lacking, underachievement, failures or weaknesses – they will develop fear, insecurity and scepticism. They will lose faith and confidence in their own self. They will begin to dislike their selves, which in adolescence and adulthood could even lead to criminal activities. To put it in a nut shell, the parents’ responsibility is to study the habits and characteristics of our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺand mould their own behaviour and character traits to the closest likeness possible!